Well after 6 months of waiting to get to Headley Court for treatment, I finally started last monday (woo hoo!!). However if you keep reading it didn’t stay woo hoo for long :-/

On monday I was led to believe that it was just an administration day, however at 0900 hrs when i first went in with the physio and my pain went sky high – I knew I was in for a rough few weeks. The physio got me to stand flat on my foot for 30 seconds and then was super cruel by getting me to put it flat on the floor and the squat forward on it (it hurt sooooo much!!!!!!!). Within like 5-10 minutes my whole lower leg was burning and aching like mad and by lunchtime and both the rehab instructor & docs had played with it my entire leg was aching.

As the day wore on my foot did ease off slightly but by the time i got to tesco that evening I was still in too much pain to limp around so had to borrow an electric buggy thing and by the time I managed to get to sleep at gone midnight I could still only sleep with my leg hanging off the bed.

When I woke on the tuesday, I was only in touch sensitive pain which was a good start. During the course of the day I did upper body weights to fill time but had 2 sessions of cyrotherapy which meant 20 mins of 2 degree celcius heat (well…cold) with alternate pressures and had a session in the hydro pool which involved moving my foot around in the water then they had me walking across the pool back and forth (which really really hurt by the way). Then after lunch I was back in physio getting more cryotherapy which once i’d had it the physio got me to walk/hobble 20 steps, which surprisingly because of the numbness (i’m not sure it’s healthy but hey) didnt feel that bad until I irritated the ball of my foot where the initial injury site had been. I then had pain from hell… till…well to be honest with everything else thats happened since it hasn’t yet stopped…

Anyhow on the wednesday I had a repeat of the tuesday, so by the end of the day my leg felt like it was being sawn off from the inside out. However luckily i’d had so many pain meds during the day that by 1630 hrs I was exhausted and fell asleep (again with my leg off the bed) and woke up 4 hrs later to my roomate asking whether i wanted food as I hadn’t eaten yet. So I had some but as I was still in agony and wasn’t quite exhausted so only fell to sleep at gone 2 in the morning.

When I then woke up on the thursday morning I was still in a degree of pain (but it was manageable by that point) so eaded of for the day hopeful. This hope then actually lasted till half 7 at night as between the drugs and a slightly warmer cryo session (7 degrees celsius) and an extra hydrotherapy session I had relativly low pain all day (probs about a level 4/5 which is normal for me) but after my drug induced nap at the end of the day for a couple of hours I woke up to my foot killing me- it felt someone had a red hot poker shoved through the inside of my leg and was doing a sawing motion with it and then a few blow torches on my foot which even though i took 2 buprenorphine the pain (although faded) was still there anough to make me not able to go to sleep which meant even though I was almost at the point of complete exhaustion it still took me till 5 am friday morning to go to sleep- which then evolved straight into nightmares that involved pain to my bad leg and the inability to run away from it cause it hurt too much (I had some sort of animal with it’s teeth wrapped all the way around- kinda like a mouth and throat full of really really sharp teeth).

When my alarm then went off at 0815 hrs – I was still extremely tired and still in pain was struggling to put my foot on the floor but went into the mornings warm up with enthusiasm (I’ve started using a sit down cross trainer machine so that the pressure can go more through my arms rather than my bad foot). After 6 minutes I had to stop and take a pain killer and then after 19 minutes (and most of that using my arms rather than my feet) I caved in and gave up as my entire leg was doing the pain version of screaming in agony. It was the worst pain i’ve felt since i ended up bed ridden and taking pregabalin back in October. I then went down to physio where she asked whether i wanted cryo, manual therapy or trying the g trainer (it’s a machine that blows up and lifts you up to take the pressure off your feet) and to that I said that as I was already at crying point pain it wouldn’t make much difference (i now realise that was a complete mistake). However, I did all 3 and after the cryo (did it last cause it numbs my foot, at least temporarily) i walked my 20 steps, but put a bit too much pressure on my injured sesamoid and had a really really sharp pain go through my foot which meant that i was in pain before the cryo wore off and then once it started to wear off I became bed ridden. Which is where I am now- bed ridden, unable to sleep and in so much pain it’s beyond. Ive taken max of my meds too; 2 buprenorphine tablets and a tablet of amitriptyline. It hurts so much!! But my physio’s answer today was, ‘the first week is always the worst but it’ll get better’.

Really people??? Will it get better or am I going to be worse off on leaving than I came here on monday last? :’-( :’-( :’-( :’-( :’-(